Posts tagged Annoying

The book.

She wrote a book. Not just any book. This book is so… Horrendously awful in every single way, just writing wise, but not just that. It is… TWILIGHT. To make it even more awful, it’s worse than Twilight. Which I didn’t think was humanly possible. But she achieved it. To make it clear for you, here’s a brief summary of the story line. 

A teenage girl moves from “sunny” New York city, to “every rainy” Colorado. To live with her MOTHER. She meets a mysterious boy named ETHAN, who turns out to be a vampire who is cold as ice, and a whole bunch of super tall, super warm dudes who turn out to be werewolves. She falls in love with the vampire, blah, blah, blah, and it’s really gloomy and whiny and angsty all the way through. Sound familiar? 

This shit is… It’s Twilight. The vampire’s family even has siblings who are dating. It even has a “newcomer” to the family named Joel. And, worse, she insists that she wrote this book three years before Twilight ever came out. Which, considering Twilight came out in ‘05, would place her in second grade (Which, considering how badly it’s written, doesn’t sound too far fetched.). 

Not only is the story line awful, but the grammar is bad enough to make you want to fling yourself into the mouth of a hungry shark. There are so many misused commas. It’s like Literature is crying. She describes characters in vivid detail the first time they are ever seen. At one point, she spent an entire paragraph describing some guys eyes. 

Oh, and the girl lives in a “super small town” that happens to have its own airport, and it takes an hour to drive form said airport to her mother’s house. 

We would go on, but if we do, this post will be endless. So, we’ll just say that it’s an awful, awful thing, and is not for the faint of heart. The title of this book has to do with BLOOD. So.. DO with that what you will.

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Little stuff throughout the years.

She once told my friend that her uncle did graphics for Pirates of the Caribbean and that she got to go on set. Lie.

She once told us that she had an agent for her singing and that she was going to go on vacation to Broadway to try out for plays and stuff. Firstly, she’s really not a great singer. She can carry a tune, but definitely not Broadway status. Secondly, She never went on that vacation and her agent was never mentioned again. Lie.

She once said that while she was visiting her cousins (on their one hundred acres of land, which is somehow in the ghetto?) (We’ve heard it both ways) that they were walking around and they found a trash bag, open, with a rotting dead body in it, so they had to go home and call the cops. This is why she’ll totally be fine at the body farm when training to be a forensic scientist. LIE.

This year, we’re getting a new drama teacher at our school. She hated the old one, so she’s ecstatic about it. Apparently, the old teacher never gave her any lead roles, not because she couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag, but because said teacher was “threatened by her talent”.Delusion.

Every time someone gets chosen to sing the national anthem or something at our school, she bitches and moans about how it’s not her, and insists the other people get it because they know someone in ASB. Or because the old drama teacher has some weird vendetta against her. Delusion.



She also thinks every guy who’s ever lived has had a crush on her and every girl she doesn’t explicitly say is her friend hates her guts and talks shit about her. (That last part might be true, considering everyone, including her “friends” talk shit about her.) Partial delusion.

She thinks every single gay man on earth absolutely adores her because she’s such an ally. In reality, they just put up with her because she’s like herpes and won’t go away. And she’s not really that much of an ally. I would know. DELUSIONS AND LIES.

She’s referred to herself as “Punk” and/or “goth” before. Usually in conjunction. Which is a crime in and of itself, but seriously. SO MANY LIES IN THAT. SO, SO MANY.

She seemed to be convinced that she started everyone liking the following: The color Orange, Mustaches, Vampires (Twilight), Toms shoes, Basically every fad that hits our school. Delusions.

She has often said that she could take on anyone in a fight, including a very close friend of ours. Who is crazy. As fuck. She’s never fought anyone in her life. Ever. Delusions and lies.

After the movie Tangled came out, she swore up and down that she had written about a character fitting the description of, AND WITH THE SAME NAME of Flynn Rider. Which happens to be one of her favorite characters. LIIIIIEEEESSS.

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And we begin.

For the purposes of the blog, she shall be given an alias. Seeing as it’s the most annoying, whiny, stupid fictional character we can think of, we’ll call her Bella. 

Now, I’ve known “Bella” for quite some time. I’ve never really been the fondest of her, but up until recently, I’ve been able to tolerate her. Shit started to go down in 10th grade. Bella, my friend, and I all had a class together. I’m not going to specify which class, exactly, but it’s one that tomfoolery is generally more accepted in, so we got to talk more often than not. 

The first instance of her horrendous lying happened some time around the beginning of the year. I don’t remember exactly how this conversation came to be, but it went something like this. (This is not verbatim, but it was very similar in story)

Bella: “So, I was at the mall with my best friend on Saturday, and she starts, like, flipping out and telling me to hide. So, I asked her why, and she was like ‘That kid over there with the mohawk reading! He’s from my school! He’s, like, a total drug dealer and a weirdo!’ So, obviously, I went over to go talk to him, right, and so I sat down and started talking, and he was all cold and aloof and he just kept reading like he didn’t want me to be around.

So, I asked him his name, and he looked at me and said ‘Look, I know your little friend over there and I know you probably are only talking to me on a dare or something. If I were you, I’d leave.’ So, I got mad, you know, and I started telling him that I only wanted to talk to him because I know not to judge a book by it’s cover, and for the longest time he just stared at me really intensely, and then he slammed his book shut, stood up all angry, leans down so he was, like, six inches away from my face, and he says ‘my name’s Eric.’ and he starts to walk away, but I stop him, because I don’t like it when people just leave like that.

And, so, basically we talked and stuff, and I got his number and it turns out he’s super sensitive and sweet and he’s really really nice.”

Now, this was the first instance that I had really noticed of her lies. Throughout this entire story, I was thinking “Bitch, this is a sack of crap, you were home on Saturday, I was talking to you all day!” But I kept my mouth shut, because I thought that she may have just been fucking with me. 

Turns out, she wasn’t. This mysterious “Eric” figure popped up a number of times. Most of which suggested that he lived within walking distance of her house, though he apparently went to a school across town, and that her Hard-Ass, No-Boys-Allowed parents let a strange boy with a mohawk that looks like a drug dealer hang out with their 15 year old daughter alone in her room.

Of course, as time went on, this “Eric” person developed a crush on her, apparently coming on to her several times before he mysteriously disappearing without a trace, never being mentioned again. 

This was the first of many, many, many lies. And they only get more obvious.

For your consideration.

The person which this blog is aimed toward shall not be named for reasons of courtesy. You may be thinking that the walls of courtesy crumbled when we decided to make this blog. You would be correct to think this. In reality, we know that this will somehow get back to her, and decided that to use her name would be unwise. 

However, we assure you that, however fucked up this blog may get over the course of the months before we never see this bitch again, all of what we post is completely and 100% accurate.